Wednesday, March 20, 2013

One Hell of a Ride

DISCLAIMER:  IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH ABOUT MY LIFESTYLE OR THINK YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT PART OF MY LIFE EVEN EXISTS, YOU MAY WANT TO STOP READING RIGHT NOW.




It’s funny how beginnings and ends can be so intricately woven together, that with the blink of an eye you’ve made the transition from one to the other.  And your head is left spinning, and your heart is left weeping… and rejoicing at the ups and downs of the roller coaster that you just stepped off of.  And you’ve found yourself in this strange limbo of wishing to god that you were still on the ride, and just being immensely grateful that you got to ride at all, and hopeful that the next ride will come along soon.  I feel like I’ve just stepped off of my very first roller coaster.  My head is still spinning, and I feel a little nauseated at both the ride and this anxious fear that the next one is far away.  But it was one hell of a ride.  I got to experience the sensation of sleeping next to and holding someone I cared about, and whom I wanted to be sleeping next to.  I got to be amazed by the feelings and sensations of being with a woman.  I got to experience intimacy for the first time.  I was given so many firsts, including my first heartbreak.  My first tears shed over feelings and emotions that I’m still not capable of fully wrapping my head around.  I can’t define it, and I can’t seem to find a way to articulate it in a way that makes any sense to me.  And still... it was one hell of a ride!  

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